Learning to Love

Learning to love both myself and others again is the new challenge in my life. I feel like through the divorce I crashed and just shut down all my emotions to pretty much everyone. It's like my body/heart/soul went into self-preservation mode naturally and I forgot to feel. There have been ups and downs and times that I've really struggled. There have also been times that I've laughed until I cried and smiled so much it hurt my face.

It's hard not to take all the negative feelings and put them on everyone who walks into my life. Some of my closest friends have had to endure my coldness and stand-off behavior. And for that I am sorry.

A new face has come into my life. He came out of seemingly nowhere and for the first time in a long while, I have a heartbeat. Learning to love and allow myself to be loved seem to be the hardest part - and luckily for me, he's willing to fight.

Traditions

I spent some time this morning talking to one of my favorite people at work. He is a retired Major from the Marine Corps and served in the Vietnam War - He and I talk a lot about family, the Corps, and just overall life. He tells me stories about his time in the Marines and I share with him my happenings with my marines now. I think the Major knows more about Drue, Jason B, Jason K, Kristal and Stefan than he ever cared to know. He knows their MOS, their goals and ambitions. I'm constantly sharing with him new Marine Corps facts I've learned from my friends :) Major knows that my Dad and Brother thank every veteran they meet and that I'm learning to ride a motorcycle. I actually think Major knows just about everything going on in my life. Mike - thank you for your service, your stories about life, and for listening to mine.

This morning we were chatting about my family and traditions. I had told him the stories of my dad and mom never missing a Valentine's Day for us. A rose from dad and card and chocolate from mom. I realize how much something as simple as that has made me who I am. I love the little things; and making traditions out of them is even better. I told him about my family beach trip every year and how i'm looking forward to going this year. I can't wait to see my cousins, and give my little "nephews" (C&C) a hug.

After we finished chatting I realized how excited I am to go home for a while and how thankful I am that I have the family I have. I haven't always realized how lucky I am to get a rose on Valentine's Day from my dad, or that my mom STILL hides Easter Eggs for us, my sister drives cross-country to cook her big sister dinner, or have my brother tell me "it's going to be okay Amanda." And if that wasn't amazing enough, I am blessed with aunts, uncles, cousins, and a grandma who would all do the same things :)

So here's to traditions, my marines, and more importantly, my family.

A 30 Day "Cleanse"

My best friend Tyler and I have realized that our lives have been on the same path lately. We both recently broke up with someone we loved in search for the right life and the right happiness. Both good and bad, we are going through changes in our lives. It's nice to have someone who calls just as much as you call her and will send you 30 snap chats in a day of silly faces just to make you smile. Part of this has made us realize how much we don't focus on ourselves. Both of us are guilty of letting other people bring us down or let us question the life we are living. So on Sunday we were talking and realized it's time to start focusing on us. So that is where our 30 day cleanse came to life.

We aren't "juicing" or doing anything crazy. We both have a goal to meet every single day for 30 days and we have to share it with each other. There are three components to our goal. We have to challenge ourselves Physically, Mentally and Emotionally EVERY SINGLE DAY at least once. What does this look like? Well a physical challenge could be lifting weights, going for a walk on the beach or for a run - It means you have to sweat in some shape or form (endorphins make you happy, right?) . Mentally means you have to do something that scares you - Something you wouldn't normally do in your life. This could range from skydiving to talking to a complete stranger. For Tyler and I, the mental challenge is VERY different. For Tyler to walk up to a stranger at a restaurant to strike up a conversation is just as scares as me sitting on a park bench alone for an extended period of time. And emotionally means taking the time to love yourself - not someone else. From journaling, to bubble baths, reading a good book.

It's also been amazing having Mel and Jenn here. Last night for example, we went and got Cold Stone icecream and watched the Silver Lining. All of us, sitting on my new couch watching a movie was so relaxing and calming. It really helped me just breathe for the first time in a while. We also got to catch an amazing sunset off my new balcony - i guess right now enjoying the little things will warm my heart.

Finding Happiness

A lot has changed since this blog first came about. In the past two years, we were married and are now going through a divorce. It's crazy and completely unexpected - but after all of the dust settles, we will both find happiness elsewhere someday.

Austin and I have always been different. From basic social interactions with friends to the types of movies we like - we've always had to find balance which in turn, I thought was balancing ourselves as individuals. Bringing us to a more middle road with a better understanding of those that were opposite - at least that's what I thought. We will always love each other. I don't doubt that - That's what happens when you've been together as long as we have. It's just time for us to live the life we deserve to have, with the love and happiness we both want. That's all I will write about concerning our relationship - now it's time for me to focus on me and my new mission in life, which is finding my own happiness within.

Seems like a fairly easy thing to do - especially for someone like me who is rarely caught without a smile. This however, scares me more than any other thing I have tried to accomplish in life. It seems more difficult than living abroad in a country I've never traveled to. I've never had to be on my own before, I've never had to decide for myself what I want to eat or who I want to spend time with. Sure I was single throughout most of high school but in those years you're more concerned with your friends than anything else. So what now? I recently got my own apartment - yes, you read that, my own place. Living alone in itself is going to be hard but luckily for me, my sister and Jenn are here for my first month to help me.

So what's my plan? How do I find happiness? I honestly have no idea right now - and everywhere I look seems like a dead road. So looks like I'm going to have to find new roads to travel. I'm lucky enough to have friends and family supporting me and pushing me to laugh again. And most importantly, I have Recon <3. He's always reminding me to love and trust.

Here's to finding happiness :)

A time of "firsts"

So we have been here going on three weeks now and have been enjoying it! The apartment is fantastic - We have a garage, 2 bed/baths & are on the first level. Amanda started her job which is about a 10 minute drive from our apartment. Her office is downtown - about a 4 block walk to the harbor!

We've had a lot of firsts here on the West Coast and we thought we would share them.

Recon's first time at the beach - not just the Pacific Ocean. He was scared of the moving water & would run across as it came towards him.

First Christmas away from home and our families.

Recon got a backpack & a bone!

But our first Christmas on the West Coast hosted by some great friends :)

Amanda's first birthday without her family. Thanks to Michelle, Tyler, Aunt Terri, Emily, & Petreys for the amazing surprises :)

And first time wine tasting in Temecula, CA.



Recon's first time actually swimming in the Ocean.

Our first off-roading trip in CA - Mojave Desert.

Thanks everyone! More updates to come :)

Day 7

We woke up at 5:30 AM to drive to the Canyon for sunrise but unfortunantly all of the roads were iced over. So we decided to go back to sleep and head out when the sun came up. We got to the Grand Canyon around 10:00 AM - although there was still some fog, we were able to see some of the Canyon. So we walked around and took a few photos and then got on the road. We decided to head back out to the Grand Canyon next Spring to camp and hike so we will see it then.

We got on the road and headed West towards the Hoover Dam. We crossed into Nevada and drove over the new Dam - which honestly neither of us realized we were driving over. The drive to the Dam and after had to be one of the prettiest views of the trip.

We crossed into California and decided to skip Death Valley this trip. We were both tired and just wanted to get home. So we drove straight through to San Diego and arrived around 8 PM last night.

Thanks everyone for following our adventure! We will update the blog here and there with stories from Recon's adventure here on the West Coast.

Love,
Austin, Amanda & Recon

Day 6

We left 70s yesterday and arrived today in the mid 30s. We left Phoenix and headed straight for the Sedona Red Rocks - Unfortunantly it was snowing and 32 out so we didn't stop. We weren't able to see much either because of the rain/snow but here are a few photos from the window of the car:

We continued towards Williams, AZ and did an early check in to our hotel. We had Taco Bell for lunch and then hit the road for the Grand Canyon. The Canyon is only about an hour from our hotel. We got up there around 3 PM - it was still snowing. We got to the Canyon and we could only see about 40 feet in front of us. We were pretty bummed - so we walked around a little bit and then got back in the car.

We decided to get back up there tomorrow morning and try again. So we're heading up for Sunrise hoping to see something!

On our way back to Williams we found Kiabob National Park to throw the frisbee for Recon.

Tomorrow is Grand Canyon for sunrise ... and finishing the day w/ our new home. In between is full of fun adventures!

XoXo